Shepastor: “God Still Has Work For You…”

Psalms 92:14

"They will still yield fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and very green”

Recently, I had the privilege of spending several days with a group of about 1,000 energetic, curious, spirit filled “older adults.” I was invited to preach, conduct a workshop and have a book signing. What a blessing to watch older adults come together for their own conference...still engaging in social justice issues, praising God, laughing, singing and discerning what is next on God's agenda for them! I applaud the Church of the Brethren for this concept, the "National Older Adult Conference."

So often as people age, society pushes them to the outskirts. Many find themselves isolated, forgotten or invisible. Sometimes, people will place themselves in those categories, believing that they’ve done all that they can do and now its time to just wait until the Lord calls them “from labor to reward.”

But that concept is not scriptural. From Abraham, Moses, Aaron, Miriam and Caleb, to Elizabeth, Simeon, Anna, Nicodemas and others, the Lord clearly has a role for older people in the plan of the Kingdom here on earth. Rather than just waiting to die, God would have us use all of our days to bring glory and honor to His name. Clearly, we have seasons in our lives, changes in our physiological capabilities, changes in our pattern of thinking and processing, changes in our financial realities…but God still wants to use what we have and who we are.

The Church must resist the model of “putting people out to pasture,” and instead embrace the wisdom, stories, giftedness, vision and benefits God gives us through the aged. Psalm 92:14 declares,

“They will still yield fruit in old age; They shall be full of sap and very green.”

May our aged recognize that God still has “fruit” for them to yield. May we gladly and with anticipation receive the fruit that God chooses to give us through them!

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris
www.shepastorchris.org

Shepastor: "How Determined Are You to Rebuild?"

Nehemiah 6:1-16 New International Version (NIV)
Further Opposition to the Rebuilding
6 When word came to Sanballat, Tobiah, Geshem the Arab and the rest of our enemies that I had rebuilt the wall and not a gap was left in it—though up to that time I had not set the doors in the gates— 2 Sanballat and Geshem sent me this message: “Come, let us meet together in one of the villages[a] on the plain of Ono.” But they were scheming to harm me; 3 so I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?” 4 Four times they sent me the same message, and each time I gave them the same answer.
5 Then, the fifth time, Sanballat sent his aide to me with the same message, and in his hand was an unsealed letter 6 in which was written:
“It is reported among the nations—and Geshem[b] says it is true—that you and the Jews are plotting to revolt, and therefore you are building the wall. Moreover, according to these reports you are about to become their king 7 and have even appointed prophets to make this proclamation about you in Jerusalem: ‘There is a king in Judah!’ Now this report will get back to the king; so come, let us meet together.”
8 I sent him this reply: “Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head.” 9 They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.”
But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.” 10 One day I went to the house of Shemaiah son of Delaiah, the son of Mehetabel, who was shut in at his home. He said, “Let us meet in the house of God, inside the temple, and let us close the temple doors, because men are coming to kill you—by night they are coming to kill you.” 11 But I said, “Should a man like me run away? Or should someone like me go into the temple to save his life? I will not go!” 12 I realized that God had not sent him, but that he had prophesied against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. 13 He had been hired to intimidate me so that I would commit a sin by doing this, and then they would give me a bad name to discredit me. 14 Remember Tobiah and Sanballat, my God, because of what they have done; remember also the prophet Noadiah and how she and the rest of the prophets have been trying to intimidate me. 15 So the wall was completed on the twenty-fifth of Elul, in fifty-two days.
Opposition to the Completed Wall
16 When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God.

“How Determined Are You To Rebuild?”

Rebuilding is not easy. Rebuilding is a challenge. Rebuilding takes perseverance and determination. Rebuilding takes focus. Rebuilding takes courage.

In this passage of scripture, we see Nehemiah being confronted with several challenges…

Continual taunts from the enemy…

Nehemiah had been working now on rebuilding this wall for years. He was leading the exiles in the rebuilding process. He was fighting against taunts from folks who criticized, mocked and threatened his very life. The people he was leading struggled to continue to have faith. They had experienced some level of success, but the work still had not been completed.

Enemies were telling the workers that it was no use. They tried to convince them that the success that they had already experienced was nothing. They made fun of their “wall.” But Nehemiah was undaunted. He refused to listen to their jokes, their lies, their discouraging words. How did he do it? Verse 3 declares…

But they were scheming to harm me; 3 so I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?”

Nehemiah was convinced that he was doing a GREAT work. In order to remain determined, you must realize that you are carrying on a GREAT work. You must know in the core of your being that what God has called you to do is great. Nothing great is ever easily accomplished. Nothing great ever happens over night. That which is great takes time. That which is great takes hard work. That which is great takes perseverance.

So often we allow the enemy to defeat us and we give up before a great work is accomplished because we ourselves don’t grasp what God is doing. We become so focused upon what we don’t see, what we don’t have, what others are saying that we embrace those discouraging thoughts and attitudes into our way of thinking.

Nehemiah refused to come down. He wouldn’t even engage them. He didn’t listen to them. He refused to stop working. Make up your mind not to even engage in conversations, discussions, even thoughts that go against the work that God has given you to do.

There are those who don’t want to see you succeed. There are those who will do everything in their power to dissuade you, discourage you, make you afraid, try to make you think that your endeavors are an exercise in futility. But you have to have the courage, the discipline and the determination to push past all of that and keep on climbing, keep on moving, keep on building. Misery loves company and sometimes people want you to stay defeated and down because they are defeated and down.

Remember that God is calling you to higher ground. Sometimes defeating and discouraging words will come from unexpected places. Sometimes folks right in your family or your so-called closest friend will speak discouraging words to hold you back. “Are you sure that you can do that? Don’t you think you ought to do something less demanding? You’ve already tried to do that once, why don’t you just give that up. Maybe it’s not God’s will for you.” Sometimes people are afraid to be left behind and yet they have little or no motivation to join the moving forward or rebuilding process, so instead of truly trying to help you move up, they are working to keep you down with them. But God is calling you to rebuild and move on up.

They sent Nehemiah the same message four times! Sanballat, Tobiah and the others used this same tactic before. In chapter four, they told the people 10 times that their work was futile and that they could not do it. They told them over and over that they needed to give up on their vision and stop rebuilding. Some of the people stopped focusing upon what God said, and began to focus upon what the enemy said. They began to focus on the difficulty of the work. They started believing that the work was impossible – listen – they were already halfway done! They had already halfway completed what seemed impossible! They were well on their way! But they began to get tired. They began to look at the rubble. They began to allow fear to consume them. They allowed the enemy’s words to discourage and begin to defeat them.

But Nehemiah was undaunted. He refused to come down. He told them, “I am doing a great work and can’t go down…why should I stop and come down to you?”

Nehemiah was determined to keep moving forward no matter what the enemy was saying.
In this chapter we see Nehemiah time and time again refusing to let the enemy stop him from finishing the work God gave him to do.

The text does not tell us, but no doubt Nehemiah had discouraging days. No doubt he had days when he wondered if he would ever complete the work. But with dogged determination, Nehemiah just kept on building.

He prayed, “Lord, strengthen my hands.” (vs. 9)
When Nehemiah felt himself getting weak, he prayed for the Lord to strengthen his hands. As we move ahead doing a “great work,” there will be times when our “hands,” our resolve, our will becomes weak. The good news is that we can call upon the Lord to strengthen us to continue the endeavor assigned to our hands. God will give us what we need to keep moving ahead.

Nehemiah…
refused to engage them
refused to come down
knew the voice of God and God’s character

When Nehemiah’s enemies came with false accusations, fear tactics and warnings that the Lord was not leading him, Nehemiah responded…

11 But I said, “Should a man like me run away? Or should someone like me go into the temple to save his life? I will not go!” 12 I realized that God had not sent him, but that he had prophesied against me because Tobiah and Sanballat had hired him. 13 He had been hired to intimidate me so that I would commit a sin by doing this, and then they would give me a bad name to discredit me.

Sometimes in the throws of discouragement, we can begin to question our direction. But Nehemiah realized that God had not spoken but it was still tactics of the enemy.
We must stay prayed up. We must keep looking up. We must know God’s character such that we can distinguish false “prophecies” from God’s directives. “I heard the Lord say that you need to stop that and move on to a new thing…I heard the Lord say that you are going in the wrong direction…I heard the Lord say that you need to come and talk to us…”

Nehemiah realized that God did not send them, enemies sent them. Nehemiah also knew that his reputation was on the line.

When you give up on what God has commissioned you to do, you not only ruin your good name, but you allow the enemy to speak against our God. “See, I knew he or she couldn’t do it…see, what kind of God do they serve? He couldn’t deliver on his promises…see look at how they gave up…” Nehemiah understood that his work was a testimony.

Yes, there are times when the Lord says this season or that season has ended and it is time to shift focus. Be sure, however, it is the Lord and not the discouragement of enemies that is causing you to stop. Nehemiah discerned that it was not God speaking, but enemies trying to thwart his progress.

Naysayers will always stand on the sidelines and tell you what you can’t and shouldn’t do. But we have to take our marching orders from the LORD! We have to be discerning and open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. We have to ask the Lord to lead us in whose help we will accept and have the courage to trust Him, moving ahead even if it appears impossible. God is with us. Rebuild by faith.

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com
Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris
www.shepastorchris.org

Shepastor: "The Domino Effect of Obedience..."

Paul’s Vision of the Man of Macedonia
Acts 16: 6-15, NIV
6 Paul and his companions traveled throughout the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia. 7 When they came to the border of Mysia, they tried to enter Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus would not allow them to. 8 So they passed by Mysia and went down to Troas. 9 During the night Paul had a vision of a man of Macedonia standing and begging him, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” 10 After Paul had seen the vision, we got ready at once to leave for Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.

Lydia’s Conversion in Philippi
11 From Troas we put out to sea and sailed straight for Samothrace, and the next day we went on to Neapolis. 12 From there we traveled to Philippi, a Roman colony and the leading city of that district[a] of Macedonia. And we stayed there several days. 13 On the Sabbath we went outside the city gate to the river, where we expected to find a place of prayer. We sat down and began to speak to the women who had gathered there. 14 One of those listening was a woman from the city of Thyatira named Lydia, a dealer in purple cloth. She was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to respond to Paul’s message. 15 When she and the members of her household were baptized, she invited us to her home. “If you consider me a believer in the Lord,” she said, “come and stay at my house.” And she persuaded us.

The word “obedience” can be an emotionally charged term. For some, it conjures up images of oppression and abuse. For some, it creates thoughts of antiquated theologies imposed upon women and children. But when viewed in the holistic context of listening to and following the instruction of a Holy God, embracing the true meaning of obedience can be freeing and life giving.

In our text for today, what I term the “dominion effect” of obedience is played out. The missionaries Paul, Silas and Timothy exhibit what can happen when, by faith they chose to obey God’s Holy Spirit.

Lessons From this passage, Paul’s Second Missionary Journey:

There are several things that we can draw from this passage of scripture regarding the dominion effect of obedience:

What you want to do may be a good thing, but it may not be the “God directed” thing.
Paul had planned to visit some congregations that had already been established to see how they were doing and to encourage them. However, the Lord had some new people He wanted them to reach. There was nothing inherently wrong with what Paul wanted to do. It just was not what the Lord had directed at that time.

Sometimes we have “good” things planned. The plans are not sinful, unethical, ungodly etc. However, it’s not “God’s plan” at the time. When we ignore the Spirit’s prodding to go in a different direction, not only do we miss out on what God has in store, we negatively impact the domino effect of God’s plans regarding others.

Obey the Holy Spirit when He speaks…
Because they listened and followed the leading of the Holy Spirit, an entire colony or region came to know the Lord. When the Lord speaks, His words and directives are not only for us, but ultimately for the many others He plans to reach and bless through us.

God can and will tell you where to go...
Although Paul desired to do a good thing and go to other regions, the “Holy Spirit” forbade or stopped him. The Lord spoke to him in a vision and told him to go over to Macedonia. The Lord can use supernatural means as well as human means to lead people to specific places. Be open to hearing God speak in a variety of ways…God’s Word, in dreams and visions, through other people, through situations and circumstances. When you spend time with God in prayer, in the study of God’s Word and among the people of God, your “hearing” and discernment will be sharpened. Your heart will hear God when God speaks through any means. Listen and obey.

God has specific people in specific areas that He has specifically appointed for you to reach…
Paul and the other missionaries did not know it, but the Lord had Lydia “prepped and ready” to receive their message. Lydia was a woman of means…a “seller of purple…” a very costly and precious linen at that time. God would use her, no doubt to help further the Gospel using her testimony, gifts and monetary resources. Lydia also had a heart for hospitality. She compelled the disciples to come into her home and lodge there while they did the work of the Lord in that region.

When we obey the voice of the Holy Spirit, He opens up means, ways, opportunities, resources and provisions that we would miss. Blessings are stationed along the path of obedience!

“The Lord” will “open their heart” to your message...
Sometimes we don’t want to listen and obey the Holy Spirit…going where He says go and carrying the message He says to carry because we are afraid of rejection. In this passage, we see that when we move forward as the Holy Spirit leads, there will be those whose hearts have been “opened by the Lord” to receive our message. Yes, some will have hard hearts. Paul, Barnabas, Silas and Jesus all experienced rejection. But our responsibility is to bring the message that God sends. Let the Lord take care of the rest. He has opened the hearts of others and the seed will flourish in that good soil

Worshiping God opens our hearts to his voice and His messages...
The scripture says that Lydia was a “worshiper of God.” (vs. 14) Worshipping God made her receptive to God’s promptings…God “opened her heart.” When we take time to worship God…adore Him for who He is, His beauty, sovereignty, power, greatness, “very Godness,” His mercy, grace, love, etc., our hearts are cultivated to please God, hear God, love God and serve God.

Open hearts share their excitement with others and they themselves want to hear more...
Lydia not only received the message, but shared the message wither her household and they were all baptized. She also saw the missionaries’ need and offered her resources to bless them as they continued to spread the word. Open hearts desire to serve.

Are you willing to abandon your “good plans” and obey the Holy Spirit’s voice? Has the Lord called you to help in some “Macedonia” and you are refusing? Does your worship lead to an open heart…a heart that desires to testify about God’s goodness and win lost souls to Christ? Does your worship lead you to a place of giving and service? When you see a need, are you open to use what you can to help? How excited are you about the Gospel?

We are dominos. When we listen and obey God’s Holy Spirit, our lives will ultimately win others to Christ and so on and so on and so on. May we resolve to obey the Lord in our daily living.

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris
www.shepastorchris.org

Shepastor: "Highlights Part II from Still a Mother: Journeys Through Perinatal Bereavement, by Joy Freeman and Tabatha Johnson"

Shepastor: “Highlights Part II from Still a Mother: Journeys Through Perinatal Bereavement, by Joy Freeman and Tabatha Johnson”

Last week, Shepastor gave excerpts from an interview with Rev. Joy Freeman and Rev. Tabatha Johnson concerning their soon to be released book, Still a Mother: Journeys Through Perinatal Bereavement.

They shared the personal experiences that led them to write about this topic and provided insights as to why clergywomen may “hide” and the Church may avoid addressing perinatal loss.

This week, Shepastor will continue the interview with Tabatha and Joy where they offer words of wisdom for the women facing this kind of loss as well as practical recommendations for the Church regarding best practices for support…

In your opinion, how should the Church in general and clergywomen in particular address this issue?

Joy:

We need to take advantage of “Perinatal Loss Month” in October to raise awareness of these struggles. The Church can use this month to provide special services specifically designed to recognize this type of loss. While there are not a lot of resources for this type of service, this topic is raising awareness and with this awareness is coming more resources. The Episcopal Church liturgy has some resources that one of our clergy contributors has found helpful.

We also need to grow our ability to reach out and bring these children who have died way too soon into the church through special rituals that recognizes their place in the church family. For example, one thing that was particularly meaningful to me was when my pastor brought both a rose and a candle when she came to do a private service for us. The rose placed on the organ the Sunday after a baby was born was a tradition in the church; the candle was part of a tradition of a service at Christmas time for those who were grieving. She did a wonderful job of combining the traditions in a very meaningful way.

Also we need to be thinking about our traditions we hold around Mother’s and Father’s day. Are these traditions helpful to women and men who are healing from perinatal loss, or do these traditions unwittingly perhaps create more pain?

Tabatha:

I think we could be more open—it starts with a few brave souls who are willing to say, 'this happened to me and this is how I REALLY feel about it and about God.' Church is not a place to show our best facade, it's the place where we ought to feel safe to show our real self and reach out for understanding and help. In turn, the church needs to be better at being willing to allow folks to be authentic in their midst—and hearing another person voice their pain is not often an easy task.

It also begins before someone says, “I am grieving.” Whether through worship, studies, conversations, blogs, etc, we need to work consciously at setting an environment in which the expression of grief is what it really is—a normal part of the human experience.

Clergy-whether they have this happen in their lives or not—are in a unique position to help call the people of God to a better understanding of church…of a church that can truly be about being present with someone in their grief, walk with them on that difficult road and be witness to the ways in which God provides peace and healing (which is not an immediate thing). Clergywomen must realize they can’t counsel themselves through their own grief.

They can say, directly and indirectly, we are not as a congregation going to continue to be 'secret keepers'—or keep pretending there are wounded folks within our midst who feel they must suffer their grief in silence. We will instead give space to those who want to share their story and their grief. Because by doing so we are a community of faith who also shares in the knowledge of all of our children-whether they are present with us or not. And, grieving parents need to know that their children are remembered-that they too have a place within the faith community even though they have died.

What recommendations and or advice can you offer to someone facing these painful realities?

Joy:

Give yourself time, permission and space to feel everything you feel. Do not be afraid to reach out for help and let others who have walked this path accompany you. Even if you do nothing with it, writing down your feelings and thoughts during this time of grieving can be very healing and cathartic.
Know it is ok to be angry at God. Goodness knows we as clergywomen have and if we can be angry, then so can you!

Keep the lines of communication open between you and your significant other. This is a very stressful time and men and women grieve differently, and it is helpful to understand this. Good communication can ease the stress this type of loss can create in a relationship.

Tabatha:

Just be yourself—don't have expectations of what you should do, what you ought to do, or that your grief has to be experienced any particular way. This is a unique experience to you and while there are many others who have been in similar circumstances, what you are going through doesn't have to be done a certain way.

Whatever you feel about what happened, about God, about your pain—there is nothing wrong with it—and it's okay to not like what other people tell you and claim for yourself the things that are helpful and toss away the things that are not (including anything Joy and I say!)

Finally-grieving takes time. There are no shortcuts-and really this is something that will be with you always. It changes, takes on new form, and you learn new ways of living with it, but it's always around somehow. That's not to say that eventually joy and laughter and happiness cannot once more be experienced—of course it will be—but it takes time to figure things out—to know who you are and how things have changed and to find peace within it all.

Whatever that peace looks like for you-it's okay. There's no 'right' way, there's your way, in your time, with your grief.

What else do you think is important for clergywomen and the church to understand about this issue?

Joy:

This is a forever grief. Every baby dedication, baptism, wedding, graduation, major life milestone experience for our congregation or one of our own living children is a reminder of our child/children with whom we will never have these experiences.

We want our children remembered. Do not be afraid to mention them to us. Yes we might cry, scream or have any other type of emotional response, but we need to know that we are not the only ones that remember our little ones.

Tabatha:

This is something that happens to the whole family—everyone in the family grieves—and in different ways. Don't ignore the other members of the family-they have their own needs too.

The reality is, this issue/grief/loss is already woven into the fabric of the church—the difference here is that we are advocating for taking it out of the shadows and saying-this is here-it's real and it hurts like hell. Why keep making it a secret? How helpful is that for our healing and relationship with God? Also—it's totally fine to keep asking-even demanding-'God where are you in this mess?'

Finally, Joy and Tabatha, share three (3) specific things regarding self-care for clergywomen facing perinatal loss…

Tabath:

1.Give yourself permission to be who you are

2.Give yourself “quiet spaces.” Don’t run from your grief. Spend some time in silence

3.Remember that you don’t have to (nor can you) control everything.

Joy:

1. Find people who can care for your family. Identify resources to help you and your family process grief

2.Find ways to mark your child’s presence. Create a memory box or a labyrinth…something permanent that honors your child’s life on earth

3.Avoid isolating yourself, especially from your significant other.

WOW! What a powerful interview! With depth of emotion, transparency, vulnerability and compassion, Rev. Joy Freeman and Rev. Tabatha Johnson have provided to us real life examples of and practical recommendations for how clergy women and the Church can process through the pain of perinatal loss.

Look for Still a Mother: Journeys Through Perinatal Bereavement, in February, 2016 through Judson Press. You can pre-order copies of this book by visiting, Judson Press, Still a Mother


Visit Joy and Tabatha’s blog at www.chaplainhood.blogspot.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris
www.shepastorchris.org

Shepastor: “Highlights Part I from Still a Mother: Journeys Through Perinatal Bereavement, by Joy Freeman and Tabatha Johnson”

Shepastor: “Highlights Part I from Still a Mother: Journeys Through Perinatal Bereavement, by Joy Freeman and Tabatha Johnson”

Last week Shepastor shared the following regarding the painful realities of losses in life…

...One of the most tragic and painful losses, however, is the loss of a child. Statistics show that couples who lose a child are at higher risk for separation and or divorce. They are also at higher risk for depression, isolation, and other physiological and psychological maladies.

Harder yet may be the loss of an unborn child. Sadly, frequently, people minimize the pain women and their mates endure as a result of perinatal loss… For clergy women, this grief is often hidden due to perceived and real pressure to "grin and bare" it as a "woman of faith."

The “call” does not exempt a woman from grief, anger, depression, and befuddlement. It can be even more complicated when the woman is a pastor. Over the next two weeks Shepastor will share insights about the "elephant" of perinatal loss and women clergy.

Today, Shepastor begins a two part series, highlighting the soon to be released book, Still a Mother: Journeys through Perinatal Bereavement (Judson Press), by Rev. Joy Freeman and Rev. Tabatha Johnson. Below, Joy and Tabatha answer some specific questions about this sensitive and important topic…

Why did you choose to write about this topic?

Joy:

My writing about this topic was not intentional at first. My own experience with pregnancy loss was one I was open about a bit, but because it involved a medically necessary termination and I live in a more conservative part of the country I choose to keep that part silent. It was only after nurses at work that I am close to asked to know more of what happened that I began sharing verbally my story. A couple even told me I needed to write, but I did not take it seriously. A couple years later at the first chaplain conference I attended after Hope’s death, I had to field the inevitable question of how many kids. I would answer hesitantly two, one on earth and one in heaven. As any good chaplain would, they realized there was more of a story to tell and would query for more and listen intently as I shared. Almost always the response would be you need to tell/write your story.

It was this encouragement from colleagues to tell my story and my own personal realization that the only way for this topic to become less taboo is for those of us who are touched personally to speak out. In the car on the drive back from the conference my husband and I realized I was being called by God to no longer keep silent and it was time to write my story.
Shortly after that, I met Tabatha and she raised the idea of this book. And now here we are.

Tabatha:

I choose to write about this topic first from my own experiences as a woman who has experienced two miscarriages and then as a clergywoman trying to help other women process their grief. It's a lonely place to be—a mother without her child(ren). I think we live in a society that avoids grief in general, and definitely avoids grief involving the death of children. So, I wanted a place where the sharing of those experiences is helpful in hearing another's story and is also affirming of sharing one's own story.

Speaking of my own experiences, I was in my mid-twenties, and in the course of a year had two miscarriages, was diagnosed with cancer and began my first ministry position. It was a rough year, one that profoundly changed me. I looked for resources to help-both theological and personal testimony and could not find any that seemed to fit me and what I needed at the time.

I felt the need to be 'real,' and I felt what I was seeing out there may have been helpful for some, but for me didn't feel 'real' to me--theologically or emotionally. There seemed to me to be a rush to give thanks to God for healing, to be healed or to say that everything was good. And for me, it wasn't and I was so angry with God there was no way I could give thanks for anything. I was doing my best to serve God while my whole theology was falling apart.

Another of my motivations for writing and editing this book is this idea that clergywomen are not ultra-spiritual or better in any way because we are clergywomen. We, too, get angry, jealous, depressed, hurt, lonely... I wanted a safe place where clergy women, along with lay women could read stories that rang with truth so that they could then turn around and say, “this is my story...” and feel like wherever they are and whatever they feel is legitimate. This project, to me, is a way for women to support each other, to hear their truths without judgment and then to be able to share their own story.

Share some specific things you believe clergywomen “hide” and the Church avoids related to this topic…

Joy:

Society in general and church specifically, I believe, are extremely uncomfortable discussing this matter...discussing the very intimate but painful details of medical processes that surround fertility issues and perinatal loss. There is very little understanding of what it means physically to experience this type of loss. The result can be a distinctly felt shaming of reproduction issues and difficulties that go along with them and so the personal challenge is dealt with in a very isolated manor.

I don’t think we raise enough how we feel about and deal with our felt imperfection. Some examples being: broken body image, broken faith and broken relationship with God.

I don’t think we discuss enough just how this topic affects the fathers and the siblings that may be in the family. If it is talked about at all, it usually centers on the woman. I think in an effort to protect those around us and minimize the fishbowl affect for our families, we as clergywomen do not acknowledge to our church community that they need to be reaching out to our husbands and children as well as us.

One topic that is especially hidden is perinatal loss that happens because of a terminated pregnancy. The politically charged atmosphere around this specific type of perinatal loss makes it especially scary for clergywomen and the church to talk about. This silence has created an atmosphere of shame and creates even more pain. If we would be willing to look beyond the black and white to the fact that this type of perinatal death is very gray, we would see that such decisions are never made lightly. They are made within the context of perinatal end of life conversations of quality over quantity and parental love. Such a view would open up a whole new area of much needed spiritual grief care.

Tabatha:

There's so much pressure to be clergy-to represent God, the church, our ministry, we can fall into a trap of feeling the need for perfection. I can't speak for my male colleagues, but I know as a clergywoman I feel the pressure to have everything together all the time-both at home and in ministry. It's hard, I think, to show how human we really are and that to be a clergywoman does not mean we are not first a woman. To add to that, miscarriage is such a taboo topic-one in which we do not overburden others with our private grief. I find myself asking, 'why is that?' I mean, really, why is there this veil of secrecy and sometimes shame associated with miscarriage and infant death? There are so many women who experience this—and yet it is incredibly isolating.

For clergywomen I think, too, there is always the additional knowledge that we must not violate appropriate and healthy boundaries in our ministries-but I wonder sometimes if we take that too far. We, too, need the church to minister to us in a healthy way when we are hurting. We, too, need others to represent God to us in our sorrow. How can we have what we need if we do not ask for it and allow others to minister to us in the way in which we minister to others? I think we have to find a healthier balance in ministry-one in which we share these experiences so we too can experience the hope, nurture and love that God offers through God's people…

Next week, Shepastor will delve deeper into the interview with Joy and Tabatha in Part II of this series. Look for their insights on how the Church in general and clergywomen in particular can address perinatal loss in healthier ways. In Part II, they will also share words of wisdom on how clergywomen can care for themselves during this difficult experience.

You can read more from Joy and Tabatha by visiting their blog at www.chaplainhood.blogspot.com

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris
www.shepastorchris.org

Shepastor: "The Realities of Loss..."

The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit? Proverbs 18:4 NLT

Along life's journey, loss is inevitable. We experience many kinds of losses: loss of loved ones, relationships, positions, dreams, body parts, and so forth. Loss can “crush” the spirit.

One of the most tragic and painful losses, however, is the loss of a child. Statistics show that couples who lose a child are at higher risk for separation and or divorce. They are also at higher risk for depression, isolation, and other physiological and psychological maladies.

Harder yet may be the loss of an unborn child. Sadly, frequently, people minimize the pain women and their mates endure as a result of perinatal loss. Insensitive comments such as, “well, at least you didn’t get to know the baby,” or “well, at least you have other children,” or “ ‘it’ was not really a baby yet…” are not uncommon.

For clergy women, this grief is often hidden due to perceived and real pressure to "grin and bare" it as a "woman of faith."

The “call” does not exempt a woman from grief, anger, depression, and befuddlement. It can be even more complicated when the woman is a pastor. Over the next two weeks Shepastor will share insights about the "elephant" of perinatal loss and women clergy. A new book entitled Still a Mother: Journeys through Perinatal Bereavement, by Rev. Joy Freeman and Rev. Tabatha Johnson will soon be released by Judson Press. The interview shared in two parts will address this sensitive and important topic from the hearts of these authors who themselves have endured the pain of perinatal loss.

Here are a couple of quotes from the upcoming interview…

…Tabatha:

There's so much pressure to be clergy-to represent God, the church, our ministry. We can fall into a trap of feeling the need for perfection. I can't speak for my male colleagues, but I know as a clergywoman I feel the pressure to have everything together all the time-both at home and in ministry. It's hard, I think, to show how human we really are and that to be a clergywoman does not mean we are not first a woman…

…Joy:

Society in general and church specifically, I believe, are extremely uncomfortable discussing this matter...discussing the very intimate but painful details of medical processes that surround fertility issues and perinatal loss. There is very little understanding of what it means physically to experience this type of loss. The result can be a distinctly felt shaming of reproduction issues and difficulties that go along with them and so the personal challenge is dealt with in a very isolated manor…

Even if you have never experienced this kind of loss, you probably know women who have. Encourage them and others to “tune in” to the interview conversation over the next two weeks on Shepastor.

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris

Shepastor: "Addressing and Exposing Elephants in our lives: Highlights from the Addressing the Elephants in the Pew Women in Ministry Conference, 2015”

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, 14 for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. Proverbs 3:13-14 NIV

On the weekend of Friday, July 31st – August 1st, 2015 in Beachwood, Ohio, Women in ministry came together to deal with some “untouchable” topics. Women in ministry and depression, menopause, loneliness, jealousy, stress, burn out, worry, poor health, divorce, singleness, widowhood, marriage, dating and more!

We give God high praise for the marvelous things He did for us in "Addressing and Exposing" elephants in our pews, lives, ministries, relationships and our own hearts! God tremendously used our speakers, panelists and workshop leaders to usher us into the sweet presence of The Lord. We are grateful for the women who shared from the depths of their being, making themselves vulnerable so that others could receive their break through.

We were richly blessed by our Friday evening keynote speaker, Pastor Denise Cunningham-Doggett, who not only preached Heaven down, but gave each Conference Partner a special gift (beautiful “bejeweled” necklaces adorning elephants) and each conference participant a small bag of 5 colorful “smooth” stones, to remind us that we, like David can defeat our “Goliath/Elephants.” Our Saturday morning plenary speaker, Dr. Martina Moore (a licensed minister, psycho-therapist and CEO of a Christian counseling center) was greatly used by the Lord to decimate the elephants of “religiosity” in our lives. She boldly and skillfully called out the demons that can shackle our spirits when we continue to persist in self-denial.

While there are many more issues to be discussed amongst women in ministry regarding the “elephants” that hurt and hinder us in so different ways, we praise God for allowing us to at least begin this important and ongoing conversation. We are eternally grateful to the most-high God for allowing us to be used to have this conference.

Post a comment or send us an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris
www.shepastorchris.org