Shepastor: "Tools for Handling Control Issues: Developing Self-Control (Temperance)"

A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. Proverbs 25:28, NLT

In ancient times, cities would build secure walls around them to protect them from enemies. Therefore, cities without walls or with “broken-down” walls were vulnerable to the attacks of enemy nations. The writer of Proverbs suggests that when we don’t have self-control, we too become vulnerable.

Below are excerpts from an organization, Coping.org, a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., 6319 Chauncy Street, Tampa, FL 33647.

In the following, Drs. James and Constance Messina share nuggets of wisdom regarding self-control…

Self-control is a set of behaviors which:
·

Accepts the reality that the only thing in life which you can successfully change and control is yourself.
· Keeps in check all self-destructive, addictive, obsessive, compulsive, irrational, and unacceptable behaviors.
· Gives you a sense of personal mastery, autonomy, and competency over your own life.
· Is under your control and power to direct and orchestrate with no need for interference or manipulation from others.
· Makes you the master of your own destiny because it keeps in check those barriers and obstacles which are a threat to your overall success in life.
· Is a middle ground between perfectionism and laxity in self care.
· Results in your life having a balance and focus by helping you to cope with new challenges in life as they come.
· Helps you to keep your over-emotional responses in check or moderation.
· Helps you to open yourself up from nonfeeling or pulled-in emotions so that you can have a healthy emotional life.
· Is the foundation for healthy coping and contributes to your accepting personal responsibility for your life.
· Keeps your life in moderation, helping you to avoid extremes in any direction…

What are the negative effects of not maintaining self-control?

If you cannot gain self-control in your life, you could:
· Focus all your attention on trying to control, fix, or rescue other persons, places, and things and divert your attention from your own needs.
· Suffer the negative impact of your out of control behaviors such as alcoholism, chemical dependency, overeating, compulsive sex, addictive relationships, compulsive shopping, gambling, smoking, etc.
· Become deeply depressed and despondent over your weakness and inability to get your life into "check'' or 'balance.''
· Prefer to be overly dependent on other helpers, caretakers, fixers, and rescuers to give your life the control it needs.
· Fall prey to an overly perfectionistic and idealistic belief system in which no matter how well you get things in order you see them as being imperfect and not good enough.
· Lose control over the emotional boundaries you need to maintain from becoming over enmeshed or controlled by others.
· Become lost as to where you begin and end and where others in your life begin and end in relationship to you.
· Find yourself responding to situations in your life either in an overly emotional and hysterical way or in a withdrawn, pulled-in and non-emotive way, with neither response being healthy or appropriate at the time.
· Find it impossible to become detached from people, places, or things who are toxic or unhealthy for you.
· Find yourself in a state of powerlessness to effect changes to get your life into moderation or balance.
· Fall into the trap of learned helplessness and convince yourself that you are not capable of taking care of yourself and thus allow your life to get more and more out of control...

How is self-control a control issue?
Self-control is a control issue because it is:

· Keeping the "locus of control'' internal and removes the "locus of control'' from the externals in your life.
· Giving to yourself the power and control to have an impact on your personal destiny and fortunes.
· Ensuring your focusing on what in life you have the ability to change and control, namely yourself.
· Not allowing yourself to fall into the trap of using manipulation or helplessness to get others to come to your rescue to fix or care for you.
· Not needing a "fixer'' or "caretaker'' to help you determine your own future.
· Not allowing survival behaviors to get in your way of reaching out for support, intimacy, and vulnerability from others in your life.
· Exercising moderation in your emotional reaction to life so that you are neither over controlled or under controlled in the expression of your feelings.
· Accepting responsibility for your own actions, feelings, thoughts, and life and giving power to yourself to accept the consequences for all of these...

How you can develop self-control
In order to develop self-control you need to take the following steps.

First: You first need to identify in what areas of your life you need to gain more self-control.

Second: Once you have identified the various issues in which you need to develop more self-control, then you need to identify which emotions tend to lead you to be more out of control with these issues. Use

Third: Once you have identified what feelings and emotions tend to exacerbate your loss of control, next identify what irrational beliefs lead to increased loss of control in each of these issues.

Fourth: Then you need to identify new, rational, reality based, healthy thinking which will lead to your gaining control over these issues.

Fifth: Once you have identified healthy self-talk to help you through this time of gaining self-control, then you need to identify positive actions or behaviors which will assist you to develop self-control in your life.

Sixth: Once you have identified the set of healthy actions which assist the development of self-control, then develop a plan of action for each issue which is out of control for you.

Seventh: Once your plans of action are developed, implement them one at a time, taking one issue at a time to get under control. To decide which issues to take first, prioritize the issues using the following scale.
· Highest Priority This issue is so out of control that your life is in danger.
· High Priority This issue is so out of control that your physical and mental health are in peril.
· Average Priority This issue is out of control and it affects your thinking and emotions so that you get compulsive or obsessive with it.
· Slight Priority This issue is out of control but it presents no current threat to my life, health, or actions.


Eighth: Once you have prioritized the issues to be worked on, then begin to implement the plans of action to get them under your control.

Ninth: If after a time you find that you are still out of control, then return to first step and begin again.

Information obtained from Coping.org, a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., 6319 Chauncy Street, Tampa, FL 33647.

As the people of God, we understand the first necessity is prayer and submission to the voice and leading of God’s Holy Spirit. Above all else, God will give you the strength to yield every aspect of your being to God, who is “able to keep you from falling.”

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris

Shepastor: "Now Let Us Pray..."

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14 KJV

Dear Lord,
We praise you for who You are. Search our hearts, try our thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in us and lead us in the way everlasting. Where we are weak, make us strong. Where we are broken, make us whole. Where we are discouraged, build us up.

Help us not only to be hearers or proclaimers of Your Word, but “doers” of Your Word. Teach us how to love, live and serve, choosing daily the more excellent way. “Give us the strength to remember our yesterdays, embrace our todays and hope for tomorrow.”

Help us to stand up for what is right whether popular or not. Help us to live so that You can and will use us. Help us to be less concerned about pleasing people and more concerned about pleasing You. Help us not to grow weary in well doing. Help us never to allow bitterness and resentment to consume us. Help us to lead by example with love and humility. Help us to have desires that are reflective of your will and purpose for our lives. Help us to obey the leading of your precious Holy Spirit.

Hear our prayer oh Lord, incline thine ear to us and grant us thy peace.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

A new resource for lay and clergywomen from American Baptist Women’s Ministries and American Baptist Women in Ministry…

American Baptist Women’s Ministries, (AB Women) in partnership with American Baptist Women in Ministry (ABWIM) has produced a new resource for lay and clergywomen entitled, Caring for You and Your Ministry!

AB Women and ABWIM write,

“This resource is produced by American Baptist Women’s Ministries in partnership with American Baptist Women in Ministry. These two organizations have both recognized the deep need for self-care among women, and have come together in developing this resource to help clergy women and lay women alike learn how to better care for themselves and their ministries. Net proceeds from sale of this resource will be shared between American Baptist Women’s Ministries and American Baptist Women in Ministry.”

For more information on this valuable resource, call (610) 768-2288

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris

Shepastor: "Perception Matters..."

24 But let judgment run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty streamAmos 5:24King James Version (KJV)

This past week the country has been in an uproar due to the shooting of another, unarmed African American young man, Mike Brown. Communities in Ferguson, Missouri are reeling with peaceful protests, angry marches, demonstrations, riots, looting, building burnings, the National Guard, news reporters from across the nation – tragedy!

This horrific event forces our Country to face difficult conversations about how we view one another. Whether we want to admit it or not, preconceived notions impact how we treat one another. Imagery is powerful. Below is a link (click or copy and paste into browser) from a CNN documentary done a few years ago entitled, "A Look at Race Relations Through A Child's Eyes"

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPVNJgfDwpw

Some might ask, “What does this have to do with what’s happening in Ferguson, MO?” I suggest that it has EVERYTHING to do with the issues we are facing today.

I pray that we as the Church will begin to ask ourselves the hard questions about how we view others, how we treat others and even how we view ourselves. I pray that we will have conversations…not only about how we are being treated, but how our behaviors can set us up for dangerous circumstances. I pray that we will do more than take pictures with “our hands up” …that we will work together to hold officials accountable for disproportionate numbers of minorities being killed and jailed, while others committing similar offenses walk free or get a proverbial “slap on the wrist.”

Hard conversations are needed. Hard conversations are necessary. Hard conversations are critical. May we begin the conversations and the work now.

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris

Shepastor: "Depression Among the People of God..."

"The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?" Proverbs 18:14, NIV

This week the world lost an incredibly gifted, compassionate, kind and benevolent individual in the person of comedian/actor/activist, Robin Williams. By all accounts, he was "universally" loved and admired. Despite his ability to keep us in stitches with his lunacy as well as his ability to move us to tears with his dramatic side, he suffered through a dark aspect of his being...Robin Williams battled severe depression. According to news outlets, at age 63 he ended his own life in a lonely room, suspended with a belt around his neck.

Reports indicate that he also struggled through bipolar disease, alcohol and drug addictions. Mental illness is not a respecter of persons. Money, fame and even human admiration and love could not shield him from the ravaging effects of this horrid malady. An article in USA Today entitled, "All the on-screen laughs can't protect against depression," says it well...

That a "universally loved" entertainer like Robin Williams could commit suicide "speaks to the power of psychiatric illness," mental health experts say.

The article further states...

"People who are severely depressed can't see past their failures, even if they've been as successful as Williams... With depression, people just forget...they get consumed by the depression and by the feelings of not being worthy that they forget all of the wonderful things in their lives...Having depression and being in a suicidal state twists reality."

(Article excerpts from August 12th, 2014 USA Today
Life 3D Section.)

Depression is real and can visit anyone, no matter how "good," "saved," or righteous. Many factors can play a role in a person experiencing depression: genetics, hormones, life circumstances, etc. Society in general and the church in particular has done a poor job in understanding or supporting individuals over taken by this illness. Although very different, an individual with a felony and an individual with a history of treatment. i.e., therapy, counseling, etc., for a mental illness (depression included) are often treated the same when applying for a position. Shame, fear, feelings of weakness, failure and inadequacy frequently shackle individuals and their families as they struggle to deal with depression. The depressed are often accused rather than helped. Many, yea even in the church pew and pulpit suffer in silence for fear of losing opportunities, positions, employment, respect, and relationships.

The next time we encounter someone who suffers from depression, may we prayerfully "stop, look and listen." May we as "The Church" take time to become educated about the signs and the symptoms of depression. May we resist the temptation to pass judgment and criticisms. Without becoming enablers for those who will not participate in or take responsibility for their own healing process, may we be careful to walk empathetically beside them. May we be compassionate and not critical, patient and not angry, supportive, yet encouraging through urging them to get the help that they need (and not subsequently penalizing them for seeking and receiving that help). When possible may we "be" the help they need through our ministry of presence. For some, medication and or professional counseling may be necessary. Others may simply need a safe (confidential, non-judge mental, free) place to vent with an "active listener."

Prayer is "a" key. Faith unlocks the door. Faith, however, without works is dead...sometimes literally.

Post a comment or send me an email at shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris

Shepastor: “A Wonderful Week of Fellowship: Highlights of the Progressive National Baptist Convention From My Perspective…”

“Behold how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” Psalm 133:1, KJV

This past week my family and I have been blessed to attend the 53rd Annual Session of the Progressive National Baptist Convention, held this year in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Each day and night we have been blessed with powerful, soul stirring preaching, compelling testimonies, conscious and heart convicting dialogues regarding social justice issues and marvelous fellowship among the people of God!

It has been approximately 27 years since I’ve attended the PNBC convention. This year, we decided to attend not only for fellowship, but for networking purposes. Several things have been encouraging to me not only spiritually, but as a female pastor. There appears to be a movement towards increasing the level of acceptance and participation of women clergy. Although no woman has been nominated or elected for the position of president or 1st, 2nd or 3rd Vice President, women are being included in other leadership roles, throughout the denomination…still miles to go, but a good start. While the convention should be much further along, they certainly are more advanced than 27 years ago!

Social Justice issues (specifically race relations, economic injustices, voter rights, etc.) have always been at the forefront of the PNBC Agenda. Under the direction of outgoing PNBC President, Dr. Carroll A. Baltimore, Sr., that has not changed. Special guests this week included Mr. Tracey Martin (father of slain youth, Trayvon Martin), discussing the inequities and racism involved in the “Stand Your Ground” laws. We applauded Mr. Martin and Ms. Fulton (Trayvon's Mother) for resisting the temptation to retaliate with hatred, and instead rose to "a higher level," establishing the Trayvon Martin Foundation, with a view towards encouraging youth to follow positive role models such as pastors, educators, doctors, etc., and to have God in their lives. Rev. Dr. Bernice King (daughter of the late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.) addressed the youth of the convention for Youth Night. In her powerful, dramatic and moving message, she declared,

“I had over a thousand reasons to hate…father assassinated when I was 5, uncle found mysteriously drowned after he’d just taught me how to swim, grandmother shot dead in the church…I had a thousand reasons to hate, but I had a mother who didn’t hold grudges and lived out what It means to forgive. The best thing we can do for our children is be an example.”

In addition to Worship, Christian Education and an emphasis upon Christian youth development, national and international humanitarian efforts have been a focus. The Convention supports a number of missions in Haiti, St. Jude Children’s Hospital, national disaster relief and various educational institutions across the nation. It has strongly supported the Affordable Care Act and has participated in assisting individuals with signing up.

May there always be “voices crying in the wilderness,” speaking truth to power without shame or acquiescence.

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, hope and perseverance,
Pastor Chris

Shepastor: “The Dilemma of Faith…”

“For we walk by faith and not by sight” II Corinthians 5:7, KJV

“Dilemma…”
“a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones”

Some years ago, the late comedian Richard Pryor told a joke about being caught in the midst of certain, shall we say, “improprieties.” He said to the observer, “Who you gonna believe…me or your lying eyes?” Well, in matters of the faith, we too are being asked a similar question. Not by a shady character, but by God Himself.

“Who are you going to believe? Are you going to rely upon what your natural eyes can see or will you trust Me by faith and stand upon My Word?” If we are honest, it is a dilemma! Although as Christians, we verbalize the latter, frequently, internally, we wrestle with ignoring what our natural eyes see. Whether it is a matter of our health, finances, relationships, career, positions, lack of numerical growth in our congregations, years of waiting for a dream to come to fruition, etc., “keeping the faith,” while staring realities in the face can be a dilemma!

According to the above Miriam Webster definition, a dilemma is “a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made between two or more alternatives, especially equally undesirable ones.” The choices are “equally undesirable” because if we believe what we see, we will become hopeless. But if we seek to believe what we cannot see, we find ourselves in the difficult and often painful situation of asking many, many questions… “Did the Lord really tell me that? Will I live to see this thing come to pass or turn around? Will I end up like Moses and “smote the rock” because folks are driving me crazy? Is this situation just my “thorn in the flesh” that I have to live with?”

Oh if only I knew the answers to those questions! But isn’t that the essence of faith? Faith requires that we believe that God is and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). Our peace only comes when we make the challenging decision to look through what our eyes can see naturally and trust that the God who made us, the God who “sees us” the God who hears us and the God who loves us has plans for us that will not harm us, but will ultimately prosper us. We must remember that we don't know what part we are playing in the process of God's plans. We may be a "planter." We may be a "waterer." God will give the increase. Our lives are not our own and God uses every aspect of our surrendered life to glorify His name and build up His Kingdom here on earth. We must see through our predicaments, situations and finite circumstances and remember that God sees the big picture. We must therefore trust and obey. In God’s own time, He will reveal the masterpiece being carefully brushed onto the canvas of our lives.

Ask the Lord for “Kingdom eyes.” Trust God and stand.

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until Next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris

Shepastor: "The Real Source of Our Energy"

Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?
28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding. 29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:27-31, KJV

"The Real Source of Our Energy..."

Isaiah 40: 27-31 talks about those who have trusted in the Lord, have determined to serve the Lord, are seeking the Lord and yet are greatly discouraged. In the midst of national disaster, Babylonian captivity, pain and suffering, the true worshippers of God are wondering why their prayers seemed to be going unanswered. They are asking, “Has God forgotten us?” The Lord, through the prophet Isaiah reminds them of some very important things…that God is, the real source of our energy!

Because of the demands placed upon our high maintenance lives and for a variety of other reasons, many are now experimenting with any number of so called energy promoting or producing remedies. “Red Bull,” “Energy Source,” green tea, acacia berry drinks, special fruit smoothies, disgusting looking green concoctions, chai, you name it, folks are trying it!

But even after taking some or all of these things, many still find that they are restless, haggard, weary, wounded and sad. There is a difference between being weary and being physically tired. Everyone gets tired. But you don’t have to get weary.

Weariness is a condition of the spirit. Weariness is when your spirit feels daunted, your heart feels frustrated, your mind feels confused, and your soul is struggling not to give up. Lots of things can make you feel weary – difficult relationships, lack of finances and other resources, health challenges, questions about the meaning of your existence, wayward children, fearfulness about losing your job, wondering if God is paying any attention to your prayers and your life predicament.

This last issue – wondering if God “gets it,” was the plight of the audience in our text. They were saying, “Our way appears to be hidden from the Lord.” In other words, they were saying, “The Lord must not be aware of my circumstances, at least that is the way He is treating me!” Have you ever just paused and said, if not verbally, in your head and said, “God, do you see what is going on? Why haven’t you done anything about this?”

The Lord comes back with questions of His own…
“Why are you saying that your way, your experience, your circumstances are hidden from me? Haven’t you heard? Don’t you know that I don’t grow weary? Don’t you realize that there is nothing that I don’t understand?”

The Lord says, “I give power to the faint. To those that are weak, I increase their strength.” God says that He empowers those that are fainting and He increases or gives more strength to those who are weak. Someone might be saying, “well, I’m faint and I don’t feel empowered. I’m weak and I don’t feel like He has given me any strength…”

The answer comes in the next few verses…

30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Listen to these verses in the Message Bible…
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon GOD get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don’t get tired,
they walk and don’t lag behind.

The key to gaining real energy is to learn how to wait on the Lord. To wait does not mean to sit and do nothing. To “wait” means to serve the Lord. I am reminded of the 10 lepers that cried out to Jesus to heal them. The Scripture declares, “As they went, they were healed…”

It’s so easy to stop serving the Lord when we get into a state of weariness. But waiting consists of some things…
Think of the waiter in the restaurant.

A waiter takes orders…
A waiter makes preparation…
A waiter serves…

While we wait, we need to listen and move as the Lord dictates…
While we wait, we need to make preparations for what God is getting ready to do…
While we wait, we need to continue to be faithful and serve the Lord by doing whatever it is that God has called us to do.

As we move in faith, as we serve the Lord with gladness, as we listen and obey God’s Word and follow God’s way, our weariness will be replaced with energy. God energizes us when we make up our minds to walk with Him. God strengthens us by reminding us of His promises and revealing His beauty even in the midst of dark and trying times.

God reveals Himself in unexpected ways when we make up our minds to search for Him with all of our hearts.

The Lord is the real source of our energy.

Post a comment or send me an email at Shepastor1@hotmail.com

Until next Wednesday,
In Faith, Hope and Perseverance,
Pastor Chris